When boredem strikes ^_*

I never go on here..i don’t really know what im doing i just need to vent a little, even if nobody see’s it, i don’t care. Im more mature than to post some stupid status on facebook about how i feel, no one cares. Not like im looking for anyone to care i just can’t hold everything in sometimes. I try to act like nothing bothers me in public, i keep to myself and do what i want. I never let people i don’t trust get to know me, there’s so many fake personality’s around me it’s disgusting. When i first moved here i was friendly and bubbly and loved life & just being a kid. I miss that girl i don’t even know what happened. I could blame a specific person or middle school or even high school, but that’s not it. I’ve messed up and made so many mistakes and it’s formed me into this person that im not completely okay with. I’ve either ignored situations or..well that’s pretty much all i’ve ever done. I just accept what happens, muddle through and hope for a better tomorrow. I’ve been at my lowest..i’ve let people get in my head and make me belive stupid lies and ideas that will never happen. I’ve actually thought i was in-love before..more than once actually..aha yeah i can be pretty naive. I hate being alone, it scares the shit out of me. I tell myself everyday i don’t need a “boyfriend” to be happy but i just get so comfortable in a relationship so soon that when it goes away i loose myself, and become recklace..that’s when i make the biggest mistakes. The past 7 months have broke me down to almost nothing. So much time wasted trying to make the impossible possible in more than once situation. Maybe im just a stupid teenager that’s being over-dramatic..but i never really complain about whats going on and how i feel. If i could tell those select few that have hurt me so bad one thing..it would be thanks for the wasted time..im gonna look back years from now and seriously regret ever crying or begging for them back, if i even remember who they are. I just can’t wait to graduate and leave this god forsaken town for good. But until that happens..i pray for good things happen so i can be truly happy..

-ashley